Ep. 5: What’s Up With The Porn?
Without a doubt, the word pornography can elicit a variety of responses from many different types of men and women. Some people cringe just hearing the word while others have absolutely no issue with it.
According to the article Online Porn Statistics in the Huffington Post from May 05, 2013, “Porn sites get more visitors each month than Netflix, Amazon and Twitter combined.” They go on to say that 70% of men and 30% of women watch porn and the average time spent on a porn site s 12 minutes.
With all its popularity and online activity, porn doesn’t appear to be going away anytime soon, raising the question: Is there something to be learned here?
This week’s question came from a woman who was curious if men think women can learn something from pornography.
Ep. 5: What’s up with the porn?
So we asked the question:
“Do you think there’s anything that women can learn from pornography?”
A 41-year-old divorced filmmaker from Philadelphia, PA told me, “No, I don’t think there’s anything men or women can learn from porn. I believe it’s intrinsically bad and that it ultimately damages both men and women. I do think women need to realize that if a man watches porn, it has nothing to do with her and she should never take it personally.”
“There is nothing at all that can be learned from porn, I would never want my girlfriend to be like that.” -32-year-old single line cook from Trenton, NJ.
A 36-year-old investment banker from South Florida shared, “I used to be addicted to porn and it ruined my relationships. It distorts most men’s views of how they see women and you end up objectifying them. I think women need to learn that porn is not real and men know it’s not real. We know it’s all fantasy and that’s why so many men like it but we don’t ever expect real women to look or act like that.”
Some men think there is plenty to be learned from porn.
“I think women could learn that they could do some more of the work sexually; we guys seem to do the majority of the work and it’d be nice if a woman would take control sometimes.” -50 year-old single property manager from Wilmington, DE.
A 47-year-old single business owner from South Florida agreed, “Women could learn to be more givers in the bedroom and how to better please a man. I also think women could learn more variety and gain more experience from watching porn. There are more than three positions and men want to be taken control of and dominated sometimes too.”
“Women can learn how to better please their husbands and also how to be more open and communicate sexually. Open communication in the bedroom is a huge part of a good marriage and I think there is a bit to be gained from watching a little porn together.”- 34-year-old married medical device representative from Pennsylvania.
A 50-year-old divorced self-employed business owner from NYC said, “Women can quickly learn what men want by watching porn, especially if they watch it with him. Pay attention to the types of porn he watches because he may be trying to tell you what he wants without saying it because he’s afraid to admit it or afraid you might take it the wrong way.”
Sometimes it’s just about sex and nothing else.
“Women could learn that men actually do want to be with two women at the same time and that we love to watch women masturbate.” -Divorced 52-year-old financial executive from Philadelphia, PA.
A 47-year-old divorced sales executive from Washington, DC perhaps gave us the most concise answer, “They could learn how to give a great ‘BJ’!”
Some, but not all, men clearly want women to learn something from pornography.
I think the greater lesson here though is that both people need to communicate openly and honestly their needs and desires.
It takes time and patience to cultivate a trusting sexual relationship, but one that is well worth the effort and something that we can certainly all learn from.
I’d love to hear your answer to this week’s question.
Send me an email with your thoughts and any questions you’d like me to ask in the upcoming columns.
-Heidi