Ep.1: You Mean Physically?

January 16, 2015 / Tom / Source

In the hopes of uncovering some of the seemingly difficult differences between men and women I asked the question, “Underneath it all, what do men actually think and feel about their relationships with women, and what matters most to them? What do women most want to understand about men?”

I set out to explore these issues through a series of interviews, a project now being turned into a full-length book. Seventy-five women provided me with questions about what they most wanted to understand about men; One Hundred Men—single, married and divorced men from all races and backgrounds, between the ages of 20 and 80—responded to these queries. Together we explored why seemingly good relationships fail: why some men stay in unhealthy relationships, and why others readily abandon exceptional women. This column provides excerpts from the actual interviews.

Ep. 1: You Mean Physically?

“What Do You Think is The Most Beautiful Thing About Women?”

I posed this question to a 50 year-old married Photographer from South Africa. His first response was, “You mean physically?” I smile, “No, I mean anything that you think is beautiful about women, it can be physical, emotional or intellectual; whatever you think is the most beautiful thing.”

Virtually all the men I’ve interviewed returned the same initial response; they assumed I was asking about a woman’s physical traits. And in truth, why wouldn’t they, they’re men and that certainly seems like a logical response. However, once I dug a little deeper, I found there was much more to this answer.

Many of the men did feel that a woman’s physical attributes and how she carries herself are the most beautiful things about her.

For instance, a single 28-year-old IT consultant from New Jersey said, “I have a few answers for you. A woman’s eyes are amazing and eye contact is a big turn on for me. Intelligence in a woman is very beautiful and of course great legs and butt are always an added bonus.”

Another 41-year-old married businessman from upstate New York added, “As women get older they develop this sexiness that just isn’t seen in younger women. As they age, they become more intellectual and confident and that is so attractive to men, we love it!”

“Their body for sure is the most beautiful thing about women.” Shared a 55-year-old single postal worker from Queens, New York.

Luckily not all men think that looks are everything. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that there are plenty of men who find all sorts of things attractive about women.

For example, a rather insightful 21-year-old college student from Georgia shared “A woman’s ability to be compassionate is so beautiful, they come by it naturally which is all the more beautiful.”

A 29-year-old single student from Virginia stated, “The way a woman can inspire you is so incredibly beautiful. She can make you feel like you’re the king of the world.”

“The way a woman smells is intoxicating. It’s not her perfume or anything like that, but her natural smell like her pheromones can drive a man wild.” –A 46-year-old single Artist from Delaware.

“A woman’s caring and loving nature is beautiful. They are so nurturing and it’s so natural for them, it’s amazing.” -A 48-year-old divorced marketing consultant from the UK.

There is a popular myth in our culture that men are shallow and naturally there are women who believe that to be true. However, I came across many men in my interviewing who defied that myth. Several men told me that they know a woman’s looks, in addition to their own, will eventually fade but that ultimately it’s who she is as a person that makes her so beautiful. I was encouraged to discover that men do find so many things beautiful about women, and fortunately for us it seems to go much deeper than a woman’s physical appearance.

Just in case you were wondering how the gentlemen from South Africa answered this question, “I think everything about women is beautiful. I love their smell, look, skin, eyes, lips and especially their souls. I think life would be very bleak without women.”