Ep.3: How Soon Is Too Soon For Sex?

As a single woman in my early 40’s, I’ve occasionally asked myself the question, “Should I go with the moment and sleep with him, or should I wait for the right time?”

And when exactly is the right time?

I’ve often wondered if a man will judge a woman for having sex with him too soon and will he lose respect for her if she does so, especially on the first date?

Ep. 3: How Soon Is Too Soon For Sex?

So I asked single and married men the question:

“How Many Dates are Enough Before You Expect to Have Sex with a Woman?”

“What makes you think I’d expect to have sex with her? There are some women I want to sleep with on the first date; other woman, the more dates I go on, the less I want to sleep with them. So you shouldn’t assume that men always want to have sex with women.” A 38-year-old single professional dancer from Korea.

A 50-year-old married real estate executive from central PA told me, “I would say four to five dates. If she had sex with me on the first date though, I wouldn’t judge her at all; I would be fine with it and it wouldn’t change how I felt about her. I also wouldn’t assume that she did that with every guy. I’d actually assume it was me that made her want to have sex so badly.”

“I don’t ever expect sex. It could happen on the first date or the 15th, I’m fine with either and I wouldn’t judge either person. I actually had a one night stand with a woman and then dated her for four years and wanted to marry her, so there is no set time in my opinion.”- A single therapist in his early 50’s from NYC.

A handful of men did feel that sex on the first date could be a deal breaker.

A 43-year-old construction worker from South Philadelphia told me, “I certainly hope it’s more dates versus less, that way I know the kind of girl I’m dealing with. If she sleeps with me on the first date then I know not to take her very seriously.”

A 34-year-old single self employed man from South Florida stated, “Honestly I’d respect her more if she made me wait but I’ve also had experiences where I slept with the woman on the first date, and that’s ok too.”

“When I was younger I would have said the first date, but as I’ve gotten older I kind of like it if she makes me wait for a few dates. But now I want a woman who makes me wait a while and work a little for it. It would be nice to meet a woman who makes you anticipate and actually work for sex; that would be great!”- A 36-year-old banker from South Florida.

“I don’t ever expect it in any set amount of time, but for the right girl, I would wait months.”- A 47-year-old business owner from North Jersey.

Interestingly enough, not one man told me that he wouldn’t wait for sex, especially if he really liked the woman.

It’s nice to know that so many men are open minded about this topic and it appears that most men won’t lose respect for a woman if she sleeps with him on the first date.

But even though most seemed fine with first date sex, I got the feeling that a lot of men secretly prefer to wait a bit.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave me a comment below or send me an email.

-Heidi